I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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