Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
