Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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