Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
