I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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