Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
