McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
