Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
