Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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