How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
