I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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