Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
