you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
