did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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