i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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