Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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