I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
