why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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