having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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