She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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