just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
