yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
