Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
