I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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