I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
