FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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