I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
