she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
