are you so shy because you have an std?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
