I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
