carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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