How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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