if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
