when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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