I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
