I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
