Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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