Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
