You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
