Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
