idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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