dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
