hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
