just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
