I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
