What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
