FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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