This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
