He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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