Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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