He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
