Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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