I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
