he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
