drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
All I want is dick and wine.
I deserve this hangover.
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